It’s been a while since I tried to write anything really. So here goes.
Standing on the precipice 2017 ready to post as soon as the clock ticks twelve I’m nervous that like last time I tried this I will give up again after a few weeks.
Wind back that clock 15 years and I was writing a lot. Really A LOT very angry pointless drivel that yes got a lot of attention and links but was really nothing more than me putting out there to the world how unhappy and in need of help I was. Fast forward to 2010 and I tried again to renew keeping something of a public journal but far from it been the right time is was the worse time I could imagine for me to try and do anything positive. I was almost at the lowest point I had ever been. I had done some stupid things and tried to do something even worse and I would urge anyone else that is feeling like that to seek help.
I had a guardian angel a friend closer than family that helped me and pulled me back from dark and did everything he could to help and support me through the hardest part of my life. Through the changes I had no choice but to make for my own and other peoples good, to the crap and hate I put his way for trying to help me when I wanted nothing other than to be hated he never gave up on me. He saw something in me I didn’t see in myself and since then, since before then since we were kids together has been an inspiration to me to try harder and not fall.
If you have had a poke around, or you have found this it’s from Instagram or Twitter maybe you have seen another side of me. I love to create things, to do stuff with things. Last year, 2017 I really remembered that. Through finally understanding that I don’t have to do things I don’t want just to progress professionally I rediscovered my passion for wanting to put things out there in to the world.
I love to draw and paint. Obviously I love to write code though not really part of my day job any more I still love to learn and keep informed. I want to write more say things how I see them. One of the things I regret from the younger Wayne blogging was how unfiltered and single point of view I was. That is something I want to change in my writing, my art and anything else I put out there now. Though I have strong views on a lot of things and yes I’m sure my nerd rage will show on some less important topics (The Justice League movie for example when I write that post!) I’m going to try and be more balanced in my argument and less confrontational. We all have our points of view.
Understanding that others can have a counter point to my own is integral to finding that balance in life I want the grey between the black and white. So long as I have understand someone articulating their point of view or opinion I can try and understand them more. I will try this year as I always have to continue to give reasoning behind what I say and do. Never is ‘Just because’ a valid reason to me. Should I ever be lucky enough to have a child that is something I will try teach them above anything else, its the one thing I cling on to. Even now when I feel down and when there are all these things going on in my head I can’t talk about to anyone else. So long as I can give myself a reason it’s all ok.
With that then this is going to be my first post of 2018. I don’t know what’s going to happen over the next year or if I am going to keep up a regular schedule but I am certainly going to be trying my best to keep it up.
Happy new year everyone!